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Chapter 5: Dissolution
“Kira, wait!”
Kira ignored Athrun’s urgent plea as he dashed out of the apartment, his vision blurry as tears streamed uncontrollably down his cheeks. He ran as he had never run before. His feet pounded on the corridor, and he stumbled as his shoulder connected hard with the wall as he rounded a corner in his haste to get away from Athrun, from Cagalli, and from the world at large. His breath felt like dry fire, hitching painfully in his chest. All he wanted was to be able to vanish for a while, to hide in some secret place where he would be able to gather his scattered thoughts and analyse his chaotic emotions.
Risking a glance over his shoulder, Kira saw Athrun quickly closing the distance between them. The other boy’s hand was stretched out before him, as if willing Kira to stop by the force of his mind alone.
“Wait, Kira!” Athrun yelled, desperation etched on his face. “It’s not what you think!”
For a moment, Kira hesitated and his footsteps faltered. And then his desire to get away from Athrun, to be left alone, took over and galvanised him into action. He dashed down the corridor towards the emergency stairwell. He yanked the fire-door open and ran up the flight of stairs.
Two stories above, he paused briefly to catch his breath. He sneaked a peek down the stairwell, and his heart stopped momentarily as he caught sight of Athrun. He drew back too late – Athrun had seen him.
“Kira!”
On a spur, he lunged at the fire-door, opening it forcefully and slamming it hard against the wall before racing up another floor. Hopefully, Athrun would fall for the ruse, thinking that he had exited the stairwell and therefore buying him some time to make good his escape.
Slipping noiselessly into the eighth floor corridor, he ran towards the elevator and quickly summoned a car. He fidgeted, eyes glued to the console – the car seemed to take ages to arrive.
“Come on, come on,” Kira said impatiently under his breath.
A sudden noise startled him, and his eyes darted automatically towards his left, towards its source. Blood drained from his face as Athrun burst through the fire-door – his face red with exertion, his breathing harsh and audible even from across the distance. Kira instinctively flattened himself against the wall, mentally willing Athrun not to notice him. His hand flew to his mouth in a vain attempt to muffle the sound of his harsh breathing.
Please, don’t turn around, Kira prayed desperately. He wasn’t ready to face Athrun; not now, not in his current state of confusion. He desperately needed some time alone to pull himself together.
'Bing!'
The sound of the elevator’s chime caused Athrun to spin around, much to Kira’s dismay. Athrun’s eyes narrowed fractionally as he spotted Kira.
Kira stood rooted to the spot.
“Kira …” Athrun sounded breathless. Sweat flecked his skin, making it glisten in the weak afternoon sunlight. Squaring his shoulders, Athrun strode towards the older boy, his gait feline, like a predator stalking its prey.
Kira shook himself out of his paralysis.
“Please, Kira. I can explain,” Athrun added quickly, as the elevator doors slid open with a soft mechanical hiss. He couldn’t risk losing Kira now, not when he had gotten so close.
Stepping into the elevator, Kira raised his red-rimmed eyes to look at Athrun. With saddened eyes, he said softly, “I heard it all, Athrun. There’s nothing left to explain.”
Athrun stopped, a flicker of confusion crossing his face. Suddenly he didn’t know what to do. What did Kira mean, there was nothing left to explain? Could it be Kira had misinterpreted the whole incident? Was that the reason why he was so distraught?
The very thought caused Athrun’s chest to constrict painfully. He darted towards the elevator, mild panic evident in his green eyes.
“Kira, wait!”
Smiling wistfully, Kira hit the ‘close’ button, and the elevator doors slid shut, separating him temporarily from his equally distraught best friend.
From across the street, underneath the canopy of trees, Saigo watched with mild amusement as the domestic drama unfolded before his eyes. He lowered his binoculars and leaned against the tree trunk.
“Well well well. How could I be so stupid not to guess that those two are living together?” he muttered to himself, an unpleasant sneer curling his mouth. He lighted a cigarette and raised the binoculars to his eyes.
His grin widened, and he laughed. Presently, his laughter turned into loud guffaws, inviting curious glances from a couple of passersby.
Eventually, he straightened, slipped the binoculars into his pocket and strutted across the street.
Cagalli fidgeted as she sat alone in the kitchen. Now that her anger had ebbed to some extent, she realised that she was hungry. She glanced at her wristwatch. It was almost four o’clock. No wonder.
She had arrived earlier that afternoon and had come direct to the boys’ apartment from the spaceport. The only thing she had all day was the salted coffee, courtesy of that dratted Athrun Zala.
Crossing the kitchen, she opened the fridge and grimaced in distaste at the single dish of mouldy looking ‘something’ set on the middle shelf. Curious, Cagalli poked at it with a spoon. It quivered. She dared not even classify it as food.
What the hell are the boys living on? No wonder their brains are fried if all they eat are suspect-looking stuff.
She slammed the fridge door shut, annoyed.
Glancing impatiently at the door, she wondered where the two boys had gone. What the hell was wrong with Kira, anyway? She knew he had a habit of crying, but for goodness sake, he was nearly twenty-one, and it disgusted her having to witness one of his waterworks displays. How could Athrun ever put up with the dolt?
Cagalli bit her nails, her mind thinking furiously.
Furthermore, what was that drama between the two? Why did Athrun take off after her idiot twin as if his life depended on catching him? Screw the whole ‘best friends’ façade, there was definitely something fishy going on between the two. She could feel it in her bones when she kissed Athrun; the boy had frozen, stiffer than a corpse, as if repelled by her touch. Cagalli frowned and drummed her fingers impatiently on the tabletop.
“Tori?”
The sound shook her out of her musing. Cagalli snorted and threw Tori a nasty glare as the robotic bird chirped and looked at her with beady eyes from atop the kitchen cabinet.
Nasty little bugger, she thought angrily. I bet you’re privy to their perverted games.
Tori tilted its head and chirped brightly, as if mocking her, its eyes trained on the blonde as she paced the room listlessly.
If only Tori could talk, Cagalli would have threatened the truth out of it under pain of being dismantled into tiny metallic components. Tori had to be some kind of weird psychic love token between the two; how else could the bird detect Athrun’s presence across the fence all those years ago when they were at war? No matter how hard she tried to find one, there simply wasn’t any logical explanation. Damn robotic bird! For a few moments, Cagalli entertained the vile idea of dismantling the bird just to spite her aberrant twin and his ‘best friend’.
“Best friends. Yeah, right … and I’m a nun,” Cagalli grunted under her breath, a scowl distorting her face. She continued to pace the room. “Fuck buddies more like it,” she added maliciously.
As soon as the words left her mouth, she blinked, shaken at the strength of her own spitefulness. Cagalli was not spiteful by nature, and the feeling – alien and hateful, made her feel ashamed. She hugged herself, as if to protect her heart from the surge of remorse that coursed through her body. A seed of regret began to take root in her heart; perhaps she had been hasty and harsh in passing judgement without hearing their side of the story.
Thinking back, she realised that despite everything, Athrun had always been nice to her. In fact, he was one of the few people who actually didn’t mind her overtly tomboyish and brash behaviour. Sometimes she wondered if he did it out of his own free will or entirely for Kira’s sake. Despite her many attempts, Athrun had not shown any real interest in developing their friendship into something more permanent. Once, he even quoted her the old adage: “If you value your friendship, you don’t date your best friend’s sister” and left it at that. Now she wondered if that had meant something deeper.
And as for Kira, he had Athrun practically eating out of his hands. The way they interacted often made her feel like she was drowning in syrup. It was blatantly obvious, even to the casual observer, that there was a very strong bond between the two. Cagalli refused to believe that the bond was anything other than a deep passionate friendship between same gender friends.
A cold, sinister voice spoke up in her mind. Ah, but what if it’s no longer just ‘friendship’, but something more intimate? Can you honestly deal with it?
It was only then that the gravity of the situation struck her. Somewhat alarmed by the unexpected path her mind had taken, Cagalli rubbed her face roughly, and forced herself to focus on the issue. Her belief in the wrongness of the whole same gender attraction was unshakable. If Kira and Athrun were involved with each other in some intimate way, then it was her duty as a sister and a friend to knock some sense into their heads, and to make them see the errors of their way. Tough love, that had always been her motto.
Feeling listless, she decided to pass the time and do a spot of snooping while the coast was clear. She marched out of the kitchen and almost tripped over the pile of packages that Kira had left along the hallway. Cagalli peeked at the contents; heck, there were some pre-packed lunches in there. She might as well help herself.
Lugging the packages into the kitchen, she busied herself storing the cartons of ice cream into the freezer. No point in letting them melt, she figured. Next, the pre-packed lunches went into the fridge (except for the one she had chosen for herself). Her nose wrinkled when she drew out the packets of pink razors. Cagalli shook her head in disbelief; boy, someone certainly has an odd taste. She bet her bottom dollar it was Kira. He could be such a sissy sometimes. She set the packets on the tabletop and rummaged around the bottom of the package. Her hand closed on a tube. It felt cool against her palm. She drew it out slowly.
Cagalli’s eyes widened in astonishment as recognition dawned.
What the hell?!
Utterly revolted, she stared at the tube of lube, as if the item held all the answers to her previously unconfirmed suspicions.
“Kira, wait!” Athrun yelled in frustration as his palms connected with the elevator door. His eyes darted towards the control panel; the car was travelling rapidly downwards.
He jabbed impatiently on the button on the panel for the other elevator, willing it to hurry. The car seemed to be stuck on the thirteenth floor, while the car carrying his distraught roommate finally came to a halt at Basement Two.
The car park.
Oh no, you’re not running away. Not if I can help it.
He slammed his fist against the wall. “Damn it, Kira!” he yelled loudly.
Furious, he spun on his heels and retraced his steps towards the emergency stairway. Damn it, he must get hold of Kira before the other boy did something stupid, unpredictable, or both.
Pushing the fire-barrier door open, he flew down the steps three at a time. His mind focused on only one thing: to find Kira. He knew he had to do some fast damage control before the situation worsened.
Athrun cursed his fate that Kira had chosen to step into the kitchen when he did. He couldn’t forget the look of unalloyed horror etched on Kira’s face, and the hurt evident in his expressive violet eyes. Athrun felt angry and violated when Cagalli had grabbed and kissed him, and the feelings were further compounded by the effect it had on Kira.
He couldn’t believe how quickly his Sunday had degenerated in a matter of hours. To make matters worse, it was his twentieth birthday. His nose still hurt where Cagalli had punched him, and his head throbbed with the remains of the hangover from last night’s celebratory bingeing. However, his physical pain paled against the emotional hurt Kira must be experiencing. Athrun prayed that Kira wouldn’t be idiotic enough to drive off in his current state of mind.
Athrun felt utterly wretched. At the rate things were going, his Weekly Shitty Luck Quota was nearing completion before the week even started.
Breathing hard, Athrun burst out of the stairwell and into the dimly lit basement car park. He heaved a sigh of relief as he spotted their metallic maroon sports car in its usual place. If he knew Kira well, chances were Kira would be hiding in the car, crying his eyes out.
When they were younger, Kira had a habit of hiding himself in the oddest places whenever he was in one of his teary moods. Once, Athrun had found him stuck up a tree, bawling his eyes out after a silly argument over a piece of science project. Being the loyal friend that he was, Athrun had first tried coaxing him to come down, and when that tactic failed, he had forcibly dragged the older boy down, kicking and screaming. Kira had retaliated by not talking to him for three whole hours, until Athrun pacified him by treating him to a huge serving of his favourite sundae.
However, over the past couple of years, Athrun had learned that beneath his gentle and unassuming nature, Kira had a rebellious streak that tended to surface when he got agitated. He wouldn’t put it past Kira to lie in wait for him and then gun the engines and try to run him down in a show of rebellion.
Taking a deep breath, he screwed up his courage and approached the car cautiously.
Huddling in the narrow backseat of the car, Kira kept his head bowed and eyes tightly shut. The argument between Cagalli and Athrun kept playing in his mind, and each time it became more exaggerated. Pretty soon, the line between fact and fantasy blurred, and he started to imagine hearing Athrun admitting vehemently to Cagalli that it was entirely Kira’s fault – that Kira had tricked him into doing abnormal things on pretext of testing his idiotic theory to disprove his own deviant sexuality.
Distressed, Kira pressed his face against the heels of his palms as he tried to stop the howl of misery that was threatening to rip through his chest. He blamed himself for getting them into the whole mess – if only he had shut his mouth and not asked Athrun for that stupid favour on that fateful September night, they wouldn’t be this deep in trouble. But he had, and things had changed between them. Although the change had been gradual, he couldn’t deny the fact that their relationship had turned more physical.
And what happened last night made him shudder involuntarily. He bit his lip and concentrated on the resulting pain. He didn’t want to remember waking up sprawled on top of Athrun, both of them sweaty and naked except for their shorts, and – he closed his eyes in horror – something disgusting sticking their midsections together. He had an idea what that was, but he had no memory how it happened.
His body convulsed as he willed his tears from falling. All he asked of Athrun was to stay away from him for the time being, from any more heavy petting and lip-locking encounters, so that he could figure out how to get them out of this mess and reclaim his sensibilities.
A sharp rap jerked him out of his morose reverie. Glancing up, he saw Athrun’s face pressed against the window.
“Kira!” Athrun rapped on the window impatiently. “Open the door.”
Kira ignored him. Athrun rapped on the window once again, this time more forcefully.
“Open the door, Kira!” Athrun ordered.
When he continued to play deaf, Athrun rattled the door handle impatiently. The car shook on its suspensions under the strength of his desperation. Kira stared at him sullenly and turned his back on him. After a couple of minutes of futile rapping and coaxing, Athrun gave up and pressed his forehead against the window.
“Stop it, Kira. Will you open the door?!” Athrun said, annoyance flooding in to replace concern.
Irritated by Athrun’s persistence, Kira finally looked up and glared at him. He sniffed and wiped his nose with the back of his hand.
“Go away!” he shouted. “Leave me alone.”
Athrun banged his fist on the roof of the car, hard.
“Kira!” his voice rose in frustration. “Let me in!”
Kira looked annoyed. “I said leave me alone!” he spat, his violet eyes flashing angrily. “Get lost. Go to Cagalli, you … you slut!”
His words were met with a long silence as Athrun stared at him in disbelief. Finally, Athrun said: “What did you call me?!”
Kira returned his stare, his eyes hard. “You heard me.”
“Kiiiiirraaaaaaaaaa!” Athrun yelled, his temper fraying. He kicked at the door violently.
Kira spun and slammed his fist against the window, startling the dark-haired boy. “LEAVE ME ALONE, ASSHOLE!”
To his surprise, Athrun actually stopped kicking and banging. They glared at each other, neither willing to back down.
When Athrun finally spoke up, his voice was very quiet. “Fine. Have it your way.”
With that, he turned around and slouched off, leaving Kira to dwell in his grief alone.
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